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for·give  /fərˈgiv/

Verb:

Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake).

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Really? Really now?

I, REALLY REALLY REGRET WHAT I'VE DONE NOW!

NOT ENDING THINGS BETWEEN US, BUT I REGRET STARTING OFF WITH YOU.

I have never really actually regretted, but, this time, 

I REALLY DO REGRET MEETING SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

Geez..

How I wish I was smart enough to look at your past before I go anyway.

I trusted you.

& also, I have told you from the beginning not to get your hopes so high because I know myself.

I know that I might not make this last as long as you wanted.

You strap me down. I've already told you, I can't stand clingy.

To tell you the truth, I'm happier now. 

I get to have more time with my friends and family without my phone ringing every few minutes when I don't reply. 

*sings* "Now you're just somebody that I used to know"

Sorry for being mean. 

& your friend is blaming himself for all your doings. 

I love that friend more that I loved you.

That hurts? Yeah. I felt that way when you said I treated you like a 'touch n go' machine. 

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

An act of kindness.

"There is no fucking point to show kindness or to be kind because people will still fucking blame you and hate you just because you don't follow their style or order. Some doesn't appreciate what you did for them and still bad mouth you. Damn it." - Trickster Seow.

There really isn't a point of being nice to people in this cruel world anymore.
You're nice to them, don't expect something nice in return. Expect the total opposite of that.


Kill me already.

Introduction.

Hi. My name's Alison. Alison Seow PhuiKwan.
I'm a girl.
I'm born in the year of 1995.
How old am I? Well, do your Maths :)
My hometown is PJ, & still staying here.
I have alot of friends. If they are real friends, then yeah, I do have alot.
I am a leehom & kpop maniac.

& recently, I have felt alot of hatred around me.

They say that I am too nice & friendly, & because of that, I am fake.
Is being nice a crime? Is being friendly a crime?
Is trying to make friends, fake?
Is trying to help someone who ask for help, fake?
Is talking to you in a friendly tone & smiling to you, fake?
Is saying hi, fake?

I really don't get it.

I have hurt this 2 person recently. (Not that I have been cheating or that I've killed someone)
Person 1: him.
Person 2: ME.
I wasn't lying about how much I love you.
It is that I do not know how to appreciate you. I'm letting you go for your own good.
I'm giving you a chance to find your future. Find someone that will really appreciate you.
I do not know how to treat my boyfriend properly. I know, you said you do not mind at all, BUT, I MIND.
I MIND, AND THAT HURTS ME. BAD.
I can't hold it in. I've tried & tried. I just can't. I'm hating myself more and more. I've cried almost everynight. I tried to think of ways to save this, but I can't. I have other problems to solve too. & I did not lie about why I had to leave you.
This person has been sending me some sort of secret messages through FB statuses. It hurts me, very much.
It's no use saying you'll wait for me 'cause I have been hurting myself too much when I'm with you.
So, I'm gonna reply your message here, once and for all.
Since that you hate me so much now, NO, we can't be friends again.
Not even after you read this & tell me you understand or whatever. No.
You said that you are tired of listening to "sorrys" being said over and over again, but I still have to say this. I'm sorry. I lovED you.

I'm tired. Emotionally. Mentally.
I'm tired being the nice me, the one that always gives second chances & can't say no when someone asks for help.
I'm going crazy.

Phoenix.

Everyone was wishing everyone "Good Luck" for the huge upcoming exams.
There he was, standing with the rest. His girlfriend was there too.
They were laughing away. Talking about something I couldn't catch. He looks happy.
He looked at my direction, he noticed me looking at him. A curved appeared on his lips.
That smile. So heart-warming. Then I noticed.
He's smiling at me. He was walking towards me. I didn't know what to do.
His girlfriend was staring me down. I avoided eye contact.
He came up to me, he looked at me, smiled and whispered to me, "I missed you".
Then he hugged me. He hugged me tight. I was shocked.
He told me that he missed the times he spent with me. In tuition(?), Outside(?).
He just did. I smiled and whispered back, "I missed you too". I hugged him back.

Woke up by the ear piercing high pitched robot sound "wama-wamater-EKKKK-wamatuck".
It was my phone alarm. I woke up, I found myself crying. Not exactly crying, I was tearing.
Maybe I DO miss him. We were quite close. But things just ended in a SNAP.
He started replying me cold, then stopped replying my messages.
He left me hanging there. We never really got together or anything.
I guess I miss his "presence" in my life. Him, as a friend. A close friend. A very very close friend.

Hey, close friend :) You know who you are.

I miss you. I really do.

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I feel evil. I feel mean. I should have thought things through. I should have think twice before I've made that decision. That decision to avoid hurting any of us. But now, it's too late.

I just got that feeling. That feeling that this isn't gonna work out like how I want it to.

No, the problem is not him. The problem is ME. I'm gonna end up hurting him.

I feel like, I'm just not ready for this kind of commitment yet. If it's counted? I don't trust myself.

Everytime he tells me that he hopes for us to last, my heart just sinks.

I tried telling him to not get the hopes so high up, coz, I know myself. I know, I will not be able to take this.

He just told me that we can avoid all those things from happening.

I'm going in college next year. I'm turning 18 next year. I'm finally becoming an "adult" in the broken family I have. There are alot of things pressured on me. Family, friends, Studies. & lots more.

I really don't know how to tell you. I know you love me alot. & I love you alot too. I just.. sigh..

I'm trying my best. I can't take it back anymore. I will just do my best.

But first, I wanna say sorry. I'm sorry if I am sometimes cold towards you. I'm sorry if sometimes I tell you that I'm busy, but in the end, I'm there watching a korean variety show or chatting with my other friends. I'm sorry that I am the kind of girl that always puts her girls first before her boy. I'm sorry that I don't trust people so much these days. I'm sorry that I am selfish. I am a very very selfish person.

I tried not to think so much, but I just couldn't. I just got that uneasy feeling.

I cry myself to sleep almost every night these days, despite knowing I have SPM papers to sit for the next day. I know how it feels to get hurt. I really don't wanna hurt you. I really really really really don't. But I can't keep this promise forever. I'm not the type of girl that wanna get tied down so early, you know?